Amoxisilliness
Hey kids, let me tell you something. I would highly advise all of you not to get the flu. I know -- you probably want to. You're probably thinking, "But all the cool kids are doing it!" I know there are temptations, but this is not a good thing. You'll be lying there unable to move. You'll have a fever of 103. They'll try to give you cat medicine. It's awful. Don't do it. Just say no to the flu.
No, seriously. They will give you cat medicine. I am not playing around. In fact, I am starting to suspect that health care professions are the biggest ripoffs in the world, because it appears all these guys do is prescribe amoxicillin. Think about it -- what happens when the human that leeches off of me gets the flu? He gets amoxicillin. What happens when said human's cat gets an ear wound that's oozing pus? Amoxicillin. Finally, what happens when I, a plastic fork, get the flu? Amoxicillin.
So please allow me, Dr. Toby, with my zero seconds of medical training, to prescribe medication for the world's most vexing conditions. Alzheimer's? Try some amoxicillin! Cushing's syndrome? Why, I think I have just the tonic. Amoxicillin! Elephantitis mixed with progeria? I think we all know what the antidote is, my fellow Americans.
In fact, perhaps one can stretch the logic of this rapidly failing running joke to include non-medical conditions. War not going so well in Iraq? Amoxicillin for everyone! South America about to be hit with an asteroid that will destroy all life? Why, I think I have just the ----------
............
Hi, guys. This is Steve, the human referenced above. I have just clubbed Toby with a blunt object, and he is currently unconscious. I would just like to apologize for this monstrosity of a blog entry. It sure seems like, after two months, you could have expected something a little better. I'd like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Kickass Kwanzaa, a Rockin Ramadan, and a Whopping Whatever Else I Might Have Forgotten. Please stay safe, unless you are Danny Bonaduce, in which case it wouldn't totally break my heart if you accidentally ran into a tree. Nighty night.
9 Comments:
Dear Toby,
Amoxicillin is what they give whiny people just to shut them up because they think they need to go to the doctor every time they get a sniffle. It's really just crazy people medicine.
Enjoy!
~Ardie
A-ha!!!
MY incarnation of the flu did not include the sniffles. I had no sniffles! And yet they clearly gave me amoxicillin. So your assertion is wrong. You made an assertion and you're completely wrong, what do you think about that, Ardie? Huh? Hahahahahaha.
Pore Toby muss ah bean purrrrdy sick ifn they done gaved yew that medahsin an i bet yew had two dip way down intoo tha kitty jus two pay fur it an now i wunder ifn yo mamma is asshamed fur alettin tha cat outta tha bag apout the litter in yer compartment. Enyways im ahappy yew a feline better lest ways yew wus afore yer human clobbered yew in the puss ceptn i thank sum Amoxicillin wheel halp that that headake yew agonna half an Steve shood pick up tha tab fur it.
Georgie, MD
Oh, Georgie! You're punny!
You may struggle with simple punctuation and spelling, and you may not excel at putting proper English sentences together, but I believe we have found your niche. There must be some way we can utilize this in a positive manner.
I am so confused right now. Should I be reading this while high?
~Ardie
Why not? I *wrote* it while high!
Yeah!
:: high prongs self ::
Wait, unless you meant Georgie's screed. Shoot, maybe you did.
Hell.
Race screed er national organ aint sposed to half nuttin two dew wit it. Dont make me call tha AGLU!
Oh an Hapy New Yeer!!
BFF
Georgie
Happy New Year!
And now I'm drunk reading it...and I TOTALLY get it! HA! Brilliant!
~ardie
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