Completely Informed Bloggy Social Commentary

"There's a place for those who love their poetry. It's just across from the sign that says 'Pros Only.'" --They Might Be Giants

Okay. Apparently some of you believe that poetry always equals intellectual, no matter how rudimentary, clumsily rhymed, or derivative of sports poems written 100 years ago. Fine. I'll stick with prose from now on, you intellectual boors.

What do women want? It's a subject that has captivated the hearts of America. Many songs have been written about it. Many movies have been made about it, most of them ending up on Lifetime and starring the great Meredith Baxter Delta Burke Joanna Kerns Judith Light Valerie Bertinelli. But none of those movies starring Ms. Baxter Delta Burke Joanna Kerns Judith Light Valerie Bertinelli ever quite hit the nail on the head. No, I don't believe we quite knew until this week's grisly tale out of fair New Orleans came to light.

Women want to be cooked. And they like CONFIDENCE!

That's right. It turns out that the lovely chap involved in this caper was absolutely up to his asscrack in women. While he wasn't with his girlfriend, he was cheating on her with other girlfriends, until, I don't know, I guess he got bored and sauteed the primary girlfriend (undoubtedly with CONFIDENCE!). Probably because she wouldn't stop bellyaching about the other girlfriends. But did she leave him? No. We can only assume because she enjoys being cooked (with CONFIDENCE!).

Now, being a fork, few appreciate tender cooked flesh more than I. But even I must condemn this action as a tad drastic. Nevertheless, the ladies disagree, and who am I to question? I'm just amazed at how the Mel Gibson film What Women Want managed to miss something this obvious. Though given the amount of tail Mr. Gibson has been privy to over the years, one can surmise that, in addition to being cooked, women go totally wobbly for unhinged anti-Semitism (if it's delivered with CONFIDENCE!).

Now, when you combine those two things, there is only one logical conclusion. Had Adolf Hitler been even slightly interested in seeing women naked, he would have been a Lothario for the ages. That's my take on it anyway.

Unless I'm missing something here.