Ohhh-Muh-Gawd
NOTE: Toby is tired from dealing with her all day, so this blog will be guest-written by Toby's girlfriend, Denise the Fork!
OOOOOOOHHHHH-MUH-GAWD!
You'll never guess what happened today, ohmuhgawd! I was sleeping early in the morning, and then like, WOW, I like, woke up! And then Toby was all "Good morning, sugarprongs" and I was all "Hey Toby" and we were like, dude, we want some breakfast.
So we ate some scrambled eggs and then I was all "Toby I wanna go shopping" and he was all "Bitch, don't be spendin all my benjamins" and I was all "Toby don't like TALK to me that way or I won't let you watch Three's Company tonight on TV Land" and he was all "Sorry dear, whatever you say."
So like, ohmuhgawd, Toby is whipped like a rented mule. I had to give my best girlfriend Madison The Fork a call to talk about the sit-cha-ation, and Maddy was all "Girl, he don't deserve you" and I was all "Let's drive off a cliff like Thelma and whatsername" and she was all "That's what I would do if he was mah main." But then, like, The Bold and the Beautiful came on and I had to know if Cameron was still sleeping with Morgan (like ohhh-muh-gawd, how could she DO that??), so I forgot about Toby and I went shopping and I bought a nice polka-dotted dress.
But, ohmuhgawd! Toby got home later and he was all "Bitch, what is that?" and I was all "I had to get it, isn't it cute?" and he was all "How much?" and I was all "Does it make me look fat?" and he was all "Bitch, I don't know" and he just rolled his eyes and plopped down on the couch.
And, ohmuhgawd, we watched Three's Company and there was this big misunderstanding and Chrissy almost slept with some mean guy and, OH-MUH-GAWD, we finally went to sleep after that. What a day!!!
8 Comments:
Ummmm.
Sure Denise, that sounds...nice. Good to hear from you. You should get along great with Georgie.
Yeah.
~Ardie
Hay thar Denise im hapy to sea yew are reely reel on acounta we keeped axein an axein Toby whose Denise and he wooden tale us sos I thunk yer maybe a filament of Tobys imagahaitian or won ah them plastic blow up forks he hides unner his bed win his mamma visits butt you aint. Yew are a very perty young fork an Toby is luckie yew are his girlfiend an it sounds like yew too has lots ah good thymes an i seent that Threes Company MaryThong to an it wus reely good an stop buy enytime an talk two us on acounta eny fiend ah Tobys is a fiend ah mine.
Thank yew Ardie fer the very kind wirds an i no all of us wil git ahlong grate.
BFF,
Georgie
Well!
I had NO idea that Toby kept plastic blow up forks under his bed. Thank you VERY much for the information, Georgie. Ohhhhhmuhgawd! He is in SO MUCH trouble!
I wouldn't even let him watch Three's Company tonight, and I kicked him to the couch for the night, and ohhhhhmuhgawd, he's so-ooooo contrite, he bought me a necklace! He said, "Here, bitch." That's mah maaaaaaain!
So it's all better now, but ohhhhhhhmuhgawd I showed him who wears the prong covers in this family. Thanks, again, Georgie. Do you, like, know anything ELSE he does? It would be SO MUCH fun to bust him again! Maybe I'll get another present!
I knew it was a terrible idea to let her write on my blog.
Oh Denise i cood tale yew thangs about Toby that wood curl yer prongs ceptn im esceert ifn i dew he will take my artwirk down off ah the closet door of fame an that thar is the onlyst fame i got septen that i wus vice president butt aint nobudy cares about that.
Yew shure dew no how to handle yer man ceptn im sorry he missed that Three's Company on acounta thar wus a misunderstandin an Chrissy an Janet gotted mad at eachuther an than at Jack and I laughed an laughed an oh it wus sooo funny.
Wird is Tobys gonna sand his ant a present byway ah his mama and ifn he dont maybe she will tale summore ah Tobys secrits.
BFF
Georgie
Wow Toby, sounds like you better send your ant a present cuz it sounds like she's got a mean streak. After all you don't want anyone finding out about your "experimentation" at summer camp when you were 14.
~Ardie
PS: Is it her birthday? Happy Birthday Toby's ant!
Deer Ardie it aint his ants birthday its a blackmale present sos she wont tale no more secrits but it wus her birthday lass month an i gess her presents got lost,in tha mail on acounta she says thay neffer showed up butt she says thank yew fer the birthday wushes enyway an she aint done no streakin fer years on acounta to croak algore <---- everthang that shood be up is down an everthang that shood be down is up ifn yew git my driff.
BFF,
Georgie
Well, that settles it. Georgie's a genius. Unearthing a totally-out-of-context Al Gore quote from 14 years ago to explain her lack of streaking, which of course nobody was even close to talking about... don't ever change, baby doll.
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