A Sad Joke
Good evening. It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the death of Toby the Fork. Toby has died. He was accidentally chopped up in a meat grinder, and his remains were spread out over the Pacific. However, infomercial guru and lippy albino Susan Powter was swimming along one day, and accidentally devoured bits of Toby. Due to ingesting Toby, who had magical powers (hey, a fork who can write), albino Powter grew to 60 times her normal size. Also, she became a sassy black woman.
Now a large African-American female quick with a quip, Ms. Powter immediately gave birth to five sons. Their names were Antoine, Antowain, Antawn, Antwahn, and Antw'ian. Tragically, all but Antw'ian were also killed in meat grinder accidents. Antw'ian, however, became a school cafeteria mogul. He developed a new, improved brand of tater tot that enabled him to take over the world.
And so he did. The world has been taken over by Antw'ian Powter. Henceforth, by law, I will have to include the words "dawg" and "homey" in every blog entry from here on out, in addition to the sentence, "Stop the insanity!" Everyone responding to blog entries must also include all of these keywords. Anyone failing to do so will be forced to watch the 1998 train wreck Black and White on a continuous loop until your brain explodes.
Ha ha ha ha. April Fools. Ha ha ha ha.
Whee.
7 Comments:
Dear Toby Dawg,
So...you're not dead then? Hm, looks like I have to call the insurance company back. Maybe next time I will read past the first sentence before making hasty decisions.
Should I also return the Porsche, or do you think you will die again soon?
Your homey,
~Josephine
PS: Stop the insanity!
Josephine Dawg--
It's just an April Fools joke, homey! You don't really need to follow those new stupid guidelines. Stop the insanity!
Anyway, your concern for me is touching. I don't have a Porsche. Where did you get one?
You're out of my will.
The Porsche dealer up on Route 201. When I explained how my beloved fork had recently passed on, they gave me a great deal!
Oh boy Black and White that thar is my faverite movie next to tha Abdominal Snowman. I hope i win...i hope i win!!
Yew didnt fool me Toby on acounta ifn yew wus reely dead yew coodnt remember all them pertty names an i always thunk Ardie wusnt my intailechewal eekwall an i guess this here proves it on acounta she beeleaved you butt shes a sweet gril an i like her enyways.
Fiends
Gertella (or Mudahanna i aint shure yet)
BS: Stop the insanity yew homey dawg!
Thanks Georgie, generous with the compliments as always!
Stop the dawgone insanity homeys!
Toby, do you have any information on your fan? I might run into him smoking pot at a coffeehouse in Amsterdam and I want to be ready.
~Josephine
Well homey, alls I can tell you is, look for a dude staring lovingly at a tampon. Hm. Maybe you shouldn't go looking for that, but if you see it, that's probably the guy.
Enjoy your pot! Legalize it mon! Stop the pointless war on drugs! Stop the insanity!
Sincerely,
T-Dawg
Hey T-Dawg!
Where ya been? I'm back from Amsterdam and you still haven't put up any new posts!
Lazy homey, you better stop the insanity and start writing!
Love
~Josephine
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