Riding Out Hurricane Wilma -- Final Update

Hm. As the electricity is still on and the weather is still beautiful, I got curious and turned on the Weather Channel. It looks like the hurricane is hitting effing SOUTH FLORIDA!!!!

Okay. I'm calm. I'm calm. It's just, I'm sort of wondering what they did to anger God down there. It must've been pretty bad. Maybe those retirement communities are wilder than I thought. Shouldn't have flashed those boobies, Myrtle! Well, it appears that I have screwed up again, and frankly, my self esteem is starting to deteriorate rapidly.

Riding Out Hurricane Wilma -- Update 4

Hmmm... okay, how about this? Maybe I slept through the initial hit, and maybe this hurricane just has a really, really huge eye. Maybe?

Riding Out Hurricane Wilma -- Update 3

Vile sun! Bloody calmness!

I'm a bit frustrated. It's not that I crave destruction, but it has been quite awhile now, and as I sit here munching on my nonperishable tuna and cracker snack, I'm sort of wondering when Hurricane Wilma is going to get around to arriving. I mean, I'm sitting here all set up to make a name for myself in the blogosphere with my hard-hitting in-the-trenches hurricane coverage, and it's still maddeningly pleasant and sunny outside.

What gives?

Riding Out Hurricane Wilma -- Update 2

Well, before I quickly and irrationally shut off the radio after learning that Hurricane Wilma was in the Gulf, I heard mention that the storm would hit Monday morning. Well, it's Monday morning, and shockingly, the weather is still rather nice here in New Orleans. However, I just know it's going to get bad soon. I thought there was a gust of wind earlier, but it turns out I just farted.

Anyway, I'm sure those winds will start kicking up any minute now. And the power will surely go out, but that's okay -- I bought a generator with my last $2,000, so that won't be a problem. I'm ready for you, Wilma! She should begin battering my taped-up windows any minute now. I'll report every rattle of the window and every tossing of debris instantaneously, whilst typing by the light of my battery-operated flashlight.

And I'll get on the news and become a cult hero for my courage. Here we go!

Riding out Hurricane Wilma -- Update 1

Oh, wow! Here we go again. Another storm!

Ever since I was left alone in this godforsaken New Orleans area apartment to ride out Hurricane Katrina, I have come to dread hurricanes. The experience scarred me, and I'm not going to get caught unprepared again. I heard there was a new storm looming, Hurricane Wilma, so I immediately shut off my radio and, without further ado, got myself some supplies.

As I retrace my steps, I'm not sure I listened to the radio long enough to hear exactly where the storm was going to hit. However, I just assume it's New Orleans, because a good number of preachers and/or fundamentalist whackjobs have assured me that God hates New Orleans because of the whole tit/gay thing and will thus punish her with hurricanes. Of course, Katrina seems to have been a bit of a mishap by the Lord, what with His leaving the French Quarter more intact than anything else in the city, but hey, even God can't bat 1.000. We all have our off days, right?

So, I come to you today equipped with lots of canned goods, flashlights, bottled water, an axe, and my own survival skills.

Plus, Katrina taught me another lesson, which is that writing a blog DURING a hurricane could make me famous! It's another great use for a blog, and one I intend to take full advantage of. So, be sure to check back in here as Wilma makes landfall for all the window-rattling, flood-gushing, roof-tearing updates from New Orleans!

Notice

Due to the effects of Hurricane Katrina, Toby has been unable to post a blog lately. We apologize for any inconvenience, and we regret any boredom you may have suffered as a result.

But you see, Toby cannot write because the keyboard delivery trucks cannot get down from the north.

And, of course, even though he is typing this on the internet whilst watching television and enjoying some cool air conditioning, the power is out.

Yes, it is.

So, you see, until these problems are rectified, Toby will be unable to post his thoughts. But oh, he has thoughts. He does.