It's TOBY-licious!
Oh, boy. Am I excited!
Right on the heels of discovering that the Dutch love our lil' tampon, it has come to my attention that a major yogurt distributor has decided to name their yogurt after ME! TOBY yogurt!
I don't have to tell you that this is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. Why, from my days as a young forkling in Philadelphia, I've always dreamed about getting my name on a mass-marketed product. My friends, that moment has arrived.
Consequently, it is now time for the chicks to begin rolling in. I'll see to it that you ladies will all be able to service me in a prompt and efficient manner. I recommend that the brunettes line up on the right, the blondes line up on the left, and the redheads, ahh, the redheads -- you lovelies can just skip right up to the front. Now, of course, I'm but one fork -- I'll need to take occasional breaks wherein I will retire to my luxurious futon, awaiting massages from several mermaids, with a rousing episode of Diff'rent Strokes on my 46-inch television screen. But don't fret; you'll all get your chance at the Tobe.
And it's all thanks to TOBY yogurt. Again, I can't thank all of you enough for supporting me during the lean years. It's all paying off now.
And hey, remember to enjoy some TOBY tonight! It's on me!
P.S.: Actually it isn't -- you'll pay for it -- but that seemed like a good "big finish" for this blog entry.
4 Comments:
Hey Toby, what's your favorite flavor ?
Kongradyoulayshuns on yer big ahchiefmint Toby i all ways new yewd make it big sum day an yer talant woodnt be lost, on the public cept i woodnt count two mush on that massage on acounta i onlyst node one mermaid that being Ethel Mermaid an i thank she dyed butt im agoin to get me sum ah yer TOBY yorgut now.
Fruit Loops,
Georgie
Dear Toby,
Once again, you have proven yourself to be a dumbass of the highest caliber.
Congratulations indeed.
Cap'n Crunch,
~Ardie
Well, my favorite flavor is... he-eyyyyy!
To those of you (GEORGIE) who offered support during what has become an unexpectedly trying time for this fork, I say thank you. To those of you who have taken a more sarcastic, or even hostile, approach... well, I suppose you have never made a mistake before.
I'm quite despondent, and plus I have to pay all these mermaids somehow. I had to sell my luxurious futon to help with all the expenses I racked up during what turned out to be a slightly misguided moment of excitement for me.
::sigh::
Oh, and TCBY can eat me. Bastards.
--The Tobe
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