You Take the Good, You Take the Thicke
Ever since bloggers got that withered old fruitbat Dan Rather fired, everybody and their fork has been getting into the blogging business. People are like, "Dude! I can bring down a news anchor!" Well, let me splash some hard, cold, bitter reality on all of you would-be blogger dweebs who can't get any sex. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, okay? Here are some reasons why.
a) There are only so many wrinkled newsmen in the world.
b) Getting them canned is so yesterday, man.
c) The University of Buffalo should have made the NCAA Tournament instead of UCLA.
So, with those three points being pretty much indisputable, I started this blog with tempered expectations. We can't all kick CBS's ass. I know it's fun, but we can't. So I got to thinking about who I wanted to bring down using my blog. I did a lot of soul-searching. And now, after much consideration, I have decided to use the power of this blog to bring down 80s sitcom dad and late night sensation Alan Thicke.
Yes, that's right. Alan Thicke sucks. There are several reasons why. Despite writing several of the greatest sitcom themes of the 80s, he didn't write his own sitcom's theme song. We can only speculate on the reasons for this. It certainly wasn't because he was so preoccupied with making Growing Pains a great show. Since Growing Pains blew in a rather explosive manner, he should have had plenty of time to compose yet another Alan Thicke homosexual theme song for that program. But no. I guess he had to take extra time to perfect the art of being Jason Seaver. Well, I'm not buying it, Thicke. You're a disgrace. I hope you die.
Well anyway, that's all I got. Later.
Oh wait, he did write the Facts of Life theme, and that's awesome. Hey, never mind.
2 Comments:
Alan Thicke is a Canadian God. How could we brush off his brilliant work on "Growing Pains," "The Growing Pains Movie," and "Growing Pains: Return of the Seavers" (look it up, I DARE you)? At least he was man enough to do not one, but TWO sequels, unlike some young whippersnappers who began their careers as Luke, the abondoned teen heartthrob who was later killed in a tragic boating accident involving Kate Winslet.
ANYhoo, among his other appearances, the talented Mr. Thicke has been known to host game shows, as well as play (rather convincingly!) "Himself" in the E! True Hollywood Story: Growing Pains. And, while we will always appreciate his stuckinyourheaduntilyouwanttodriveanailintoyourskull musical contributions to television, I feel it is his many notable film and TV cameos that we shall appreciate long after he has passed on and receives an Honorary Emmy posthumously.
Your intimate knowledge of everything Alan Thicke is scary. Your encyclopedic knowledge of the history of "Growing Pains" is downright terrifying.
I weep for you, but as humans go, you're quite cute, so I'll let you off the hook. But I DO weep for you. Jesus.
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