Well, here we are again. My friends, you may be wondering why I am
penning another State of Tobyvision Address, when the last one was merely one month ago.
Let me be the first to call you a bunch of pinko commie rat puke bastards.Obviously I need to write a monthly address. Hell, our site could go under any week now, so it's crucial that I keep our fan abreast of all developments. And one thing I would like to stress to our fan is that you can expect some changes coming up on the site shortly. For one, we will continue to make $0 off the great merchandise that we offer. In addition, I would like to stress that this site will be run somewhat like a TV network -- hence the name Tobyvision. GET IT?
By that, I mean that not all of our current features will -- ahhh, how shall I put this -- live forever. Yes, there will eventually be some casualties, or cancellations as it were. Whether it's because we get tired of a certain feature, an election ends, or one of our characters snaps and fatally harms themselves and others, we will be ushering in new blood in the not-too-too-distant-future.
I know what you're thinking: "But Toby, I like Captain
Honeydukes! He's nifty! I want to have his love child!" Well, don't you worry, my
young Tralfamadorian nutcake. Some of our features will live forever, or at least
for the next two weeks until our site implodes. And don't think for a second that
Jose The Magic Tampon is going anywhere. He's not. At least not further than
the refrigerator, where he may occasionally grab a snack while watching Charles in
Charge (he begged me not to say this, but Jose also occasionally partakes in Dukes
of Hazzard reruns).
Kitty Van Buren also asked me to tell you that she has no plans on going
anywhere. She intends to stay right here and continue to make trouble, though she
has hinted that she may not always be available for advice, per se. To be perfectly
honest, although Kitty will always be a part of this site in one way or another, we can't
make any concrete promises. In fact, we can't even guarantee you that she is a
woman. Have you seen her picture? I mean -- have you seen it?
Christ.As for me, I will be making all the final decisions around here. Erin and Steve, my loyal co-writers, are actually nothing more than elaborate, occasionally urinating puppets. I have little use for the broad other than the fact that she draws pretty well and technically created me. And the boy! What a crackpot. I personally think he's been hopped up on the goofballs lately. And don't get me started on his imaginary friend, Randy the Elf Who Lives in His Shoe. Randy is a prick, and he really really hurt me once, and that's all I'm going to allow myself to say before I get too upset.
But anyway, I digress. I hope I've cleared up a few lingering questions you may have had. If not, I'm really not going to lose any sleep over it.
Be true to your school, and vote for me!