Hello again, everyone. How are you? I am well.I trust you all had a perfectly smashing Halloween. I hope nobody got razor blades or anthrax in their candy courtesy of terrorists! Hahaha. But I kid.
If I could get serious for a moment here, I'd like to say a few words about the future of our little site here, the Tobyvision (I think that's what the kids are calling it these days). Let me get straight to the point. During the months of November and December, we will only be updating our page twice a week rather than the customary three times.
Why? Well, there are several reasons. For one, you're ugly. We wanted to update the site even more often than normal, but you're just too ugly for us to be able to accomplish this. Believe me, it breaks our hearts. Thanks a lot, elephant face. Good job. You ruined it for everyone.
Ahhh, but there are other factors involved. We at Tobyvision, out of respect for the Muslim faith, have decided that -- during the month of Ramadan -- it would be best to cut our work load. It definitely has nothing to do with being a bunch of pathetic lazy asses who refuse to do the work necessary to maintain the site because we're bitter that our merchandise isn't moving off the shelves like we'd hoped. It's Ramadan.
Now then. There are several additional reasons for our lessened output, reasons we cannot disclose -- but trust me, they're really cool. I mean, cripes. You want juicy details? These are juicy details. Oh man. You won't believe what we're hiding from you. I mean, seriously, it's wild. But anyway, we can't tell you. Sorry.
Having said all this, we ask that you please keep reading our site, as two updates a week for the next two months is still plenty. What do you want from us, you ungrateful slobbering infidels? We're working for free. Do you think Captain Honeydukes gets paid to slap around his ho? No. It's purely for the love of entertaining you.
I'd like to tie up a few loose ends before I skip off to the kitchen and prepare to embed myself in this year's delicious Thanksgiving turkey. Once again, we will be returning to our regulation three updates per week starting on our BIRTHDAY (yes!), January 1. We'll also be making some new merchandise available in the near future (think Honeydukes boxer shorts). And there may just be another surprise or two in store that we're reasonably sure will excite you, and perhaps compel you to run around naked for no reason.
That's all I got for this month, kiddies. Remember, be careful about razor blades in your turkeys this holiday season. You never know what those terrorist sons of bitches have up their sleeves.
Adieu!